November Thoughts

November 3rd

“What happens when you lose the one thing you were certain was the best thing that ever happened to you?” is one of the things I asked myself in the last blog I uploaded. I wrote that blog in the beginning of September. It’s only two months later now, but even in two months you can evolve and learn so much.

So, what does happen? Honestly, you might lose yourself a bit. You might lose yourself quite a bit. You might feel so lost that you think you’ll never find yourself again. Everyone will tell you things will get better. But it seems impossible to even imagine at this point.

You might cry a lot, like I did, or not at all. You might talk about it a lot, or not at all. You might shut down. You might go out getting wasted to numb the pain. You might pretend like nothing happened. You might fill your schedule as packed as you can, so you don’t have to think about it. You might surround yourself with people and try to build a safety net.

There is no right or wrong way to feel after a breakup, or any situation for that matter. You feel the way you feel. I guess you just have to ride that out, as long as you make sure you’re safe and take good care of yourself.

Feelings might come back. You might feel like you’re over them, like you’re okay with the situation, like you’re on your way to finding your own happiness again. And then you might fall. You might run into them on the street, receive a text message from them, have a friend talk about them, or it might just be a random thought that pops up. Or you might go look for them, message them, see them or worse, even though it might not help your situation. In fact, it might even make things worse. After that you might feel like everything you worked so hard for is gone and you’re back at where you started.

It’s one hell of a rollercoaster ride, that’s for sure. You will experience major ups and major downs, you will experience incredibly happy times and times of unmanageable loneliness. But without our lows, we will never be able to appreciate our highs. Without having episodes of feeling lonely, we will never be able to appreciate the company we find. Without feeling sadness, we will never be able to appreciate our happiness. I wonder if we’d even know what happiness is.

Remind yourself of what life was like before that person came into your life. Remind yourself of how much of an amazing human you evolved into without this person, before this person. I was doing great once, and I will be doing great again. No one makes or breaks me. I make or break myself. My choice. My life. My happiness. I am in charge.

“You will grow back, over and over again, no matter how badly you are devastated”
– Beau Taplin

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